Damn Kids

Last Night I got home and my kid was running a fever from all the antibiotics she is on. I can’t recall if I have mentioned it but this winter has been hell on my kid for fevers, ear infections, coughs, etc. Tuesday morning she had surgery on her ears and had tubes put in to help clear up the ear infections (which went good). She is on a ton of antibiotics right now to keep her ears from getting an infection but it pushes her body into a fever. Since she is feeling so crappy she becomes a little monster so I decided to not play wow and just sit on the couch with her and do my best to make her feel better.

Someone should mail me a father of the year award.

The reason I’m making this post is because by not playing WOW it led to a break-through in one of my current Real Life missions.

My Mission: Smoke some kid in the face with a snow ball.

I’m being 100% serious and honest, this is one of my current goals before the spring gets here and melts all the snow. Yes I understand that it’s just wrong of me a 27 yr old man wanting to zing a hard packed snowball at some kid but there is a story behind this need which I’ll go ahead and relay.

Saturday night after my raid was over I was farting around on the computer when I hear this thump on the outside of my house. My desk in my office sits below a window up against the wall which faces the front lawn of my house. I kinda sat there still for a minute wondering what I had heard. I looked outside and saw that it was snowing pretty heavy and figured that a branch had broke off a tree and hit my house, that’s pretty common during snow. I sat back down at my computer and like a second later there is a loud bang against my window. I jumped up and at the same time I yelled “WTF!”. I was pissed off because I thought that maybe someone was trying to break in or something. I ran out in the front yard in my shorts and a t-shirt and saw that stuck against my window and house were tons of snowball remains and my window was even cracked. I started looking around and sure enough there are tons of tracks in the snow where some kids had been running up and down the street and milling around in front of my house. I did get a brief chuckle that it looked like one of the kids had slipped and did a face plant, possibly when they heard my yell in my house.

I was pretty steamed that I now had a broken window so I ended up shape shifting into “super white trash man”. Standing out in the snow at 2:00 am in shorts yelling into the night “Come back here you f*ckers so I can beat your @ss” was not one of my proudest moments but I was extremely pissed. I stomped back into my house and started dressing so I could try to find these kids and maybe force them eat a yellow snow cone (no I wouldn’t really do that, I did entertain the idea for a while though). While getting dressed I ended up waking my girlfriend who said she would just call the security desk and have them track these kids down. When I was a young teenager I did a lot of stupid crap, had the cops called on us, which sucked so I really didn’t want that to happen to these kids even though they did break my window (I need to tell the story of Dirty/Perverted my RL resto druid friend and me getting chased by the cops on our ATV’s because we were riding through someone’s woods. It’s a especially funny story because he was the one who got caught and ended up sitting in the cop car hand cuffed). We live in a gated community so it wouldn’t have been the cops but our “security” guys who are basically like a mall cop or something but still, I didn’t want any serious trouble for these kids from the subdivision or their parents so I decided to make it a mission to smack a kid in the face with a snowball. I walked around like a psycho in the snow at 2:00 in the morning seeing if I could follow their tracks back to their house but I was out of luck. They had high tailed it into the woods and I lost them.

My break came yesterday when I heard a couple of teenage kids outside so I looked out my window and saw these kids kinda hiding half in the woods. It was starting to get dark so I guess they saw the headlights of a car approaching so they all hide behind a bush and after the car passed they poked out of the woods and let a few snow balls fly which plastered the back of this car. I guess it pissed this guy off as much as it did me because he threw his car in reverse and headed back the way he came. The kids broke and ran for it, I was able to watch them run through the woods and bingo, go into a blue house that’s located a few houses down from mine. The driver of the car never found them so he drove away.

Had I been thinking about it I should have just stepped outside and smoked them all with a snow ball and went back inside like nothing happened. Now I know where some of the kids live, I just have to find a way to pop them with a snowball now. Best case scenario is I’ll catch one of them riding by on his bike and I can hit him making him crash into the snow.

Since I know where they live I could just go and tell the parents but that makes for very little fun for me and might end up getting my house toilet papered. Hopefully the cold lasts long enough for me to complete my mission. I’ll let you know.

*Mission impossible music starts playing*